Chris's Jokes

Chris, our conductor (pictured), is famous for his line in jokes and funny stories, routinely regailed to audiences at the band's concerts between pieces, all in good taste you understand! Their affect on unsuspecting members of the public has been seen to vary from laughing to groaning in the aisles.

To ensure perfection in delivery, Chris often writes his jokes down for reference purposes. Recently, someone who wishes to remain anonymous suggested that he compile the best (?!) ones into a book for more general consumption. Ominously suggesting that there will be a follow-up, the Halifax Concert Band Worst Ever Joke Book: Volume 1 was the result!

For a minimum donation of 2 UK pounds (all proceeds going direct to band funds), this fine piece of literature can be yours. As well as the jokes, the book also contains fascinating profiles of many of the band's members - giving you an insight into their lives and loves. For details of how to get hold of your copy, see the Contact page.

A few examples...

Having arrived very late at the seaside, Chris banged loudly on the door of a guest house at two in the morning. The landlady opened her bedroom window and shouted down,
What do you want?
I want to stop here, Chris replied.
Well stop there then!, said the landlady shutting her window.

First Roman: Are you Appius Claudius?
Second Roman: No, I'm miserable as sin.

Chris used to jog 5 miles every day, but at the end of the week discovered he was 35 miles from home!

Caterpillar to barman, A pint of bitter please.
Go away, said the barman pushing it off the bar.
Six months later the caterpillar was back.
What did you do that for? it said.

Chris went to the vet and said, I'm reight worried about me cat. It's proper poorly.
The vet replied, I'm sorry to hear that. Is it a tom?
Chris responded, Nay lad, 'ave fetched it wi' me.